Diary of a Fat Knitter

budding trees
As it turns out, when your business is knitting and your hobby is writing, you spend a lot of time either on the couch or in front of a computer screen. And when you have to crochet 24 geek-a-long squares within a three-month period, you end up going from a size 16 to an 18, because who has time to exercise?

I’m sure there are tons of people out there (especially parents) who can relate to the “not enough hours in the day” plight. Sometimes it comes down between something like laundry or exercise. And you know you have to do the laundry or else you’ll have to wear your house-yoga-pants (you know, your favorite ones with the hole in the leg seam you haven’t gotten around to seeming) to the grocery store tomorrow. Then, of course, you have to stop crocheting long enough to cook healthy meals, because you know that if you start turning towards take-out you’ll balloon to a size 20 and won’t fit in your house-yoga-pants anymore. So exercise keeps becoming the thing you’ll do “tomorrow.”


Don’t tell my mom or my doctor, but I was 100% willing to put off finding time for exercise until after we launched our line of sock yarn on June 1st. I’m comfortable in my body. But then my doctor informed me that I have a serious Vitamin D deficiency, which I’ve probably had my whole life. Couple that with my current lifestyle and I’m at a high risk for developing Type 2 Diabetes.

I can’t live in a world without cappuccinos and fancy cheeses.

It’s times like these that I wish I was as coordinated as the Knitting Runner, David Babcock. But if I tried to crochet and walk at the same time, I’d probably get hit by a bus or trip over the sidewalk and face plant. I mean, I might look like the super graceful type (see also the photo below), but half the time I can barely walk from the coffee pot to my desk without tripping over the rug.


I know this probably shouldn’t be one of my favorite pictures Gina Myers took at our wedding, but it is. We look terrible, but it really captured our goofy side.

sock in progress

Enter my baby sister, Alena. Some of you might remember her from that time Megan-Anne and I made her model a hat made from Blue Sky Alpacas Extra Yarn. She’s working for us now, and somehow she convinced me it would be “super fun” to walk to the park. The plan was to discuss business on the way there and then knit socks in the park. We totally did that and it was a great time, except she forgot to mention how far away the park was… I don’t care what you say Alena, a 1.6 mile walk in that hilly neighborhood was neither quick nor easy.

Of course, it isn’t always plausible to take an hour or two out of my day to walk to the park. So I compiled a list of things I think I might be able to do while knitting:

  1. Attach weights to the bottom of my knitting needles so that each stitch is like doing a curl.
  2. Put the yarn on the floor next to me, so that the cat will steal it and I’ll be forced to give chase.
  3. Butt clenches?
  4. One of those electric ab shocker things as seen in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. Don’t worry, I’ll be safe and use wooden needles.
  5. Unplug the PS3 from the wall and attach it to a pedal powered generator, forcing me to peddle while knitting or risk losing Netflix.
  6. Finally let Megan-Anne have her way and approach TV Executives about a yarn based reality show, resulting in motivation born from the potential shame of having everyone I went to high school with see me on TV and know just how fat I got.

Other than the methods listed above, which we can all agree are super plausible, how do you guys find a balance between staying healthy and a hobby that puts you on the couch?

Tonight on Bravo, “Hooked on the Needle: Hoarders Yarn Edition.” Will the girls agree on the fiber content of that mystery skein? Will their family continue to be crazy? Will they find #roguedemonhunterkitty’s stash of stitch markers? Find out tonight at 8/9 Central.