Fairy Tales and the May Prize Winner

Have you ever gotten an email from your tech guy full of acronyms that you didn’t understand and then spent an agonizing couple of hours Googling the terms only to find yourself more confused than when you started? No, just me then?

Here’s the thing, I’ve always been a fast learner, someone who can pick up new skills with relative ease. As it turns out, my Jac-of-Many-Trades ability stops at fixing the back end of our website. Hopefully, Jed was able to fix the troubles I wrought. But, this is the lead up to a larger apology…

Some of you have noticed and messaged us about the missing May GAL winner post. It was supposed to be up on Wednesday. Today is Caturday. It’s no secret that Megan-Anne and I have been struggling to keep up with the everyday fun (and even necessary) blog posts for a while. The fairy tale of being your own boss and doing what you love is hard to enjoy when you’re staring at your website’s code, trying to figure out why the Monday Geek-A-Long Yarn flash sale isn’t auto updating anymore, and the mill just called to say that the yarn you’re in desperate need off won’t be ready to ship until well after your supply has run out and no amount of money can make it arrive any faster. Running a small business is hard.

Running a small business while dealing with depression is even harder.

My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for almost four years now. Instead of using our savings to buy a house last fall, we moved into a small apartment and used it to pay off hospital bills. I still have hope that one day we’ll have a baby, either with the help of science or through adoption, but it hasn’t been an easy journey.

In the beginning, I used knitting and crochet to help me deal with the pain. It’s always been therapeutic for me. But there was something about turning 33 this year that knocked me down into the dirt. I have to remind myself to enjoy the things I love. I can’t tell you how excited I was to start the Summer of Crochet series on Memorial Day. I’ve been talking about it with Megan-Anne since last August, and now I can’t muster the emotional energy to finish a simple amigurumi that I normally love crocheting:

The series was supposed to launch on Memorial Day, but there was a problem with our SSL certificate that I needed to deal with and then Facebook told me someone else I used to know in high school is having another baby. Also, I feel as if Hulu should let me opt out of watching that stupid Clearblue commercial. All I want to do is watch my stories while I knit to try to forget about my broken uterus and they’re like, “Hey, want to watch a bunch of people getting the news you’ll probably never get every 10 minutes?”

Me: “No, Clearblue. I do not. Hulu, please deal with this.”

Hulu: “lol. No.”

Me: “SCREW YOU, NETFLIX 4LYFE.”

I’m embarrassed to say that all I have left is to make is Octi the Fancy’s top hat, and I haven’t been able to make myself do it all week. Today, my plan is to take a deep breath, remember that I have a loving husband and family, and watch Anne with an E on Netflix while I finish crocheting my lil octopus.

Long story short, what I’m trying to get at in this post is: For those of you that have emailed us wanting to know if everything is okay since you noticed that things are a little off, thank you for caring. Things are a little off. I am dealing with my depression now and attempting to get back into a healthy routine. As a part of that, the Summer of Crochet will launch next week and Megan-Anne is going to bring some more fun to the party on Monday by starting an audiobook club. She’ll be talking about her current WIP and book of choice, Codex Alera by Jim Butcher. Until then, here is the winner of the May Geek-A-long prize courtesy of Knitter’s Pride:

This month my trusty random number generator chose milcham81!

I’m going with Ghost Rider made with the Geek-A-Long Yarn. We’re in the middle of storm season and this square has been with me through a couple of scares and cellar visits. Maybe it will continue to be lucky for me.

milcham81’s submission knitted with Geek-A-Long Yarn in Invisible Jet and Deepsea Speedo.

When I went through and wrote down all the names and assigned them numbers, I didn’t catch the last half about being lucky since it was underneath the square pic. The kismet of it all makes me smile. :D

Congratulation again to milcham81 and thank you to everyone for listening to me talk about my depression. I can’t put into words how cathartic it is for me to put a piece of it out into the world. If you are depressed, I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m here for you. Let’s craft together. Come make an octopus with me next week.

Love,
Jac