It’s been a challenging month for this pre-med. There was a financial aid snafu wherein the aid I was awarded was not disbursed.  Out of nowhere, I was put on a financial hold and told to cough up $7,000 or drop out. I made an appointment with the appropriate personnel and it should have ended there, but it didn’t.

When I tell the full unedited story of my meeting with the appropriate personnel, I sound insane. The general reaction is “that can’t have happened.” But it did and for the first time in my life, I am at a loss for words.

I was called a whore by a staff member at my school. I was offended as a woman, a future doctor, and a person. On top of that, I don’t know why the school will not accept the cashy goodness the government wants to give them on my behalf or if this will get resolved.

It puts me in a weird place.  On the one hand, I like my school. I honestly do.  My program is hard.  Really.  Really. Hard.  I feel lucky every day that I have the opportunity to learn at this level.  My professors expect a full commitment, and I work 50 hours a week on top of my knitting and school work.  I do this so that I won’t have to take massive loans.  I pay a lot out of pocket each month to keep from taking private loans and it’s worth it.  When I’m up at 3AM studying or finishing an order with tears of exhaustion pouring down my face — and it’s worth mentioning that I do NOT have a cute cry face — I think about those interest rates and work through the pain.  So this whole debacle is making me feel really conflicted.

I love my school and my school work. I know beyond a doubt that I am meant to be a doctor. But with that one word from a trusted school official, I felt as if I wasn’t good enough. I struggled with whether or not to talk about it here.  Ultimately though, the intent was to silence me and I will not accept that.  When one person chooses to use hate speech against another human being they do so to take that person’s power.

At the end of the day, someone in financial aid messed up a form or didn’t submit something. Maybe they just checked the wrong box.  Totally reversible.  Rather than admit something was incorrect though, that person tried to intimidate me into just going away.  Really not my style.  If there’s one thing about me that can be counted on, it’s that I rarely shut up.  So in the spirit of not accepting the behavior, I’m blogging about it.  I feel so Millennial right now.

It is worth saying that I don’t blame my school.  I blame that one person and no matter how angry I am about it, the two are separate.  My professors are being very supportive of me right now, and I can’t thank them enough for it.


I wonder if Ludicris knows about this?