2020 Geek-A-Long: Beholder

Behold!

Each and every Beholder is perfect. Just ask it. It is the smartest, most perfect Beholder in all existence. And it will tell you, if it hasn’t already turned you to stone, or disintegrated you, or paralyzed you, or put you to sleep, or charmed you with one of its eye rays. And if it is talking to you, it’s probably staring at you with its gigantic main eye, which cancels out all those fancy magic effects and items that adventurers love to use. 

And if you are in its lair, it probably knows you are there and has been watching you the whole time. It’s smarter than you and knows you can’t beat it. But if you can keep it talking and play into it’s ego long enough, you might just get the upper hand. Or it will charm you and take over your life. One of the two. But be careful, because all Beholders are insane. They all believe themselves to be the most perfect creature in creation and some have other affectations, like an abiding love for the color red or the fear that it will dream of a more perfect Beholder that will suddenly spring into existence and become its rival. 

The Beholder is one of the most iconic monsters in DnD. It’s so important that they put it on the cover of the Fifth Edition Monster Manual. One of the most well known beholders, the Xanathar, runs an immense criminal organization called the Xanathar’s Guild beneath the city of Waterdeep. The only things it cares about are itself and its precious pet goldfish, Sylgar. Xanathar’s minions quietly replace the fish whenever one of them die off so as to keep the mad monster placated, which is not so different from the Xanathar itself. Xanathar is more of a title since a new Beholder takes over the role whenever some plucky band of 4-6 people with varied skills band together and eliminate the current aberration ruling the Guild. 

Beholders are great because they are just so weird. They come from a place called the Far Realm and aren’t ruled by things like physics and don’t understand things like morality, or why people have so few limbs, or why those limbs don’t end in eyeballs like a proper being should. Beholders are fascinating, and so are their Beholderkin, especially the small ones with fewer eyes called Gazers. I played a warlock with a pet gazer called Xeljans that just sneered at my teammates and would blow on a horn at inopportune times, just to annoy us. It was the best. 

Whether you’re knitting, crocheting, or cross stitching this square, you can download the Beholder pattern here. Instructions and charts for both knit and crochet are listed in the pattern. When you’re finished making it, don’t forget to Instagram your squares at us @lattesandllamasyarn with the hashtag #geekalong! Want to hang out with other people making the blanket? You can find moral support in the Geek-A-Long group on Ravelry here.

~Mr. Llama

I certainly didn’t write this praise for beholders because I was hit by an eye ray of Charm Person. Why would you even ask that?